War of the Pranks
by MoonKittyru
Summary: Slight tangent/continuation to my other story "Death by Pranks." Done by popular demand, the follow up prank war between Harry, Hermione, the Twins, and the Marauders.
1. Sabers, guns, and rubber chickens

Harry and Hermione did not come in off the roof until nearly lunch the next day. When they did appear, it was to grab a couple sandwiches only to disappear into the house again. This patter continued for a few days, appear to grab some food and disappear into the house. Looking as hard as they could, Ron, Ginny and Mrs. Weasley could not find either of them. Sirius refused to look, claiming that Harry needed to have some time to his self. When Remus started to off, it was only Sirius' pointy elbow and even pointier glare that stopped him from finishing the offer. After not being able to find either of the sandwich ninjas for a couple of days, Mrs. Weasley tried to order Kreacher to find them for her. He refused to so, claiming it was because Molly was a blood traitor. The real reasons though were because Sirius had ordered him not and that Harry and Hermione were actually nice to Kreacher. While they did things for themselves, they also left some things for the elderly House-elf to do. Plus, Harry was the heir to the Black fortune, so if he did not want to be found then he would not be.

It was Fred and George that ended up finding Harry and Hermione. The Twins found them when Fred stumbled up a guest room in the attic that had yet to be cleaned. Thinking it would be a good place to plan and test new products, George quickly grabbed their supplies and the two dove into the room before their mom (or siblings) could find them.

As they took a step away from the door, Fred realized the room wasn't as empty as originally thought. They heard some murmuring as they walked out of the sitting area and into the bedroom proper. When they stepped around the armoire that blocked the view of the bed, the Twins heard a most interesting conversation.

"…Lumberjack song is funny, I still prefer their Philosophers one more. Probably for the educational reasons," Hermione said. "Now which skit do you prefer?"

"Hmmm, that is a tough one. They had some really good ones. Especially the Ministry of Silly walks. Though I will have to say the Four Yorkshire men is a favorite. Out of their movies though, I refuse to choose a favorite. What about you?" Harry answered.

"That is easy. 'Life of Brian' or 'Holy Grail' because- Oh, hi guys." Hermione said.

"Hi/Hi," the Twins waved when spotted.

"What are you two up to today?" Fred and George switched off asking.

"Not much," Harry answered. "Hey Hermione, if you think they're funny to watch normally, you should try upside down."

Laughing, Hermione flipped over onto her back hanging her head over the edge of the bed. "What about you two? What are you guys up to?"

"Um…not much. Just trying to find somewhere to test pranks without Mum hearing," Fred and George replied, volleying words back and forth.

"Really?" Harry said. "What is this one?" He asked as he flipped onto his belly and pulled out a laser pointer for Crookshanks to chase.

"Different kind of Canary Creams?" Hermione asked as she stole the pointer from Harry and tried to see if 'Shanks could climb walls.

"Nah," Fred answered.

"Fake wands," George explained while not explaining.

"Really? Cool," Harry said.

"What do they do?" Hermione asked.

"That's what we're trying to figure out. We know that we want something funny-"

"-But we don't know what exactly. The idea is that the wand looks-"

"-Like a real wand, but once you wave it, it changes. We-"

"-Just don't know what to change the wand into. You-"

"-Two have any ideas?" Fred and George explained in their tennis match speech.

"Well

-You could

-always do

-light-sabers or

-plastic swords

-even Nerf guns. But we thinks the-best idea-would be-rubber chickens." Harry and Hermione volleyed back and forth finishing their thought together. (Hey, what is good for the Twins can be pulled off better by the Sandwich Ninjas.)

"Okay. A couple of things.

"-One, if that is how we

"-look and sound when

"-we talk

"Cool" Fred and George finished saying together.

"Two, what is a light-saber or Nerf gun? We've heard of a rubber chicken just not the others." They said.

"Oh dear," Hermione said.

"We really need to get you to a Muggle toy store." Harry said. Grabbing Hermione's wrist and glancing at her watch, he said, "Meet us at the front door in thirty minutes and do not wear anything too magical. Plus, you have to provide the distraction."

With a nod of acknowledgement, the foursome split to their rooms to prepare for their rendezvous at the front door. Hermione went to make a shopping list while the twins plotted the distraction. Harry though had his own mission. He had an idea of what Sirius was going through constantly locked inside a house he did not want to be in. And knowing how much he loved pranks, Harry had a prank he wanted to get Sirius' help on. The four kids (or Marauders-in-training as Sirius called them) were going to sneak out. Sirius' part of the plan, at least that Harry hoped, was join them as Padfoot. Not the most ideal arrangement, but it would get Sirius out for a little while.

Once Sirius heard the plan, he was all for it. He was so willing to get out of Grimmauld Place that if Harry had asked him to transfigure himself into a French Poodle with the bows and perfume, Sirius would have only asked for the color of bows required. Though if he had been asked to change into a Chihuahua, Sirius would have been required to hex Harry.

Thirty minutes later found the four teens and one wolfhound at the front door. Before the distraction could be implemented Hermione first had to fix what the twins were wearing.

"Fred, no. Absolutely not and no way in Hell. You will not be leaving this house wearing a neon orange dragon hide suit. You too George, no neon dragon hide suits. You can keep the shirts on, but go put some jeans and trainers on. And grab a hoodie like Harry's. We want to blend in, not stand out.

"As for you Paddy, I am sorry but you need a collar and leash. When we get to our destination, I'm going to put a vest on you so you can go in with us." Hermione said.

When the twins returned, this time properly attired for Muggle London, it was their turn to throw a spanner in the works.

"We tried, we really did, but we couldn't think of any distraction that did not lead right back to us. Sorry," Fred explained.

"That's fine," Harry said. "I have a back up plan. No one says a word; just let me do all the talking.

"Lady Black, may I have a moment of your time? I have a small arrangement I would like to make with you…Thank you Ma'am. I know how your portrait was hung and I have the means to remove it. But I won't at this time if you do something for me. Create a distraction that will get everyone away from the front hall long enough for us to leave and get back in later." Harry said.

"Why should I you dirty half-blood?" Lady Black bit out.

"Because I am willing to burn your portrait. And because I am the heir to this house. I am assuming you would like to see your home returned to its former glamour at some point in the near future?" Harry said.

Her glare turning into a smirk, Lady Black said, "Are you sure you are not a Slytherin? You have a deal. I will give you five minutes to get out. I'll even give you three hours before I create a distraction again to get you back in."

With a shallow bow of thanks, Harry turned towards his cohorts to see looks of awe on their faces. A shrug of shoulders explained perfectly what Harry was thinking. It was Lady Belladonna Black's home; therefore he was treating it and her with respect. Besides, being a little sneaky got him what they needed.

A tap on the portrait frame and Lady Black commenced the distraction from her portrait in the study down the hall from the kitchen. As everyone rushed to try and quiet her, Harry and his cohorts snuck out and headed towards the local shopping center down the street.

Padfoot ran around the foursome acting like a puppy. Yapping at any passing walker and lunging at the squirrels. (Never trust squirrels, they'll try to steal your sanity. At least that's what Padfoot thought.) As they reached the shopping mall, Harry pulled up short as Hermione put the aid-dog vest onto Padfoot.

"Paddy…Padfoot…SIRIUS!" Hermione yelled, lightly shaking Sirius to get his attention. "Now pay attention. You have to be on your best behavior or you will have to head back home. So…BEHAVE!"

Cocking his head to the side and tilting his ears forward, Sirius gave a woof of confusion. Apparently he did not understand what Hermione meant.

Chuckling, Harry crouched down and scratched Padfoot's chest. "I think she means less Labrador puppy and more French Poodle attitude," Harry explained.

With a bark of understanding and a lick of the hand all around, the four teenagers and one wolfhound set off for the mall and toy store within.

_AN: Don't own and kind of happy that it's that way. Not owning means I get to treat the characters like an Aunt, fill them full of sugar and return 'em to their parents right before the sugar high. Thank you to everyone that has reviewed. I really appreciate it; so much so in fact that everyone gets a plate of cookies just for themselves. I got a couple of reviews commenting on the melancholy of the last chapter. Sorry about that. (Not really.) I've been in that kind of a situation before and really did use some pretty macabre humor to get through it. Hope you enjoyed this chapter and the next one. They're a bit of a two parter._


	2. Duel to the Rubber Chicken

It couldn't be helped; the teens spent the entire time at the mall laughing at Padfoot and his antics. He was just too much of a bedraggled caricature of a poodle to be taken seriously. His tail was raised to full mast and head held at a jaunty angle with his nose 45 degrees into the air. It was just a comical sight. But what really made the picture was the fact his eyes were halfway closed and anytime the group passed a trash bin or another dog, Padfoot gave a harrumph of displeasure like it was the others' fault he had to pass it.

Three hours later, the tumbling of the front door locks could be heard. That is if Lady Black hadn't been screaming about blood traitors or Muggle filth and cursing so bad that a Marine would have blushed. With the door open a crack; Padfoot stuck his nose through, not smelling anyone he pushed his head the rest of the way through to confirm the coast was clear. A wag of his tail signaled for everyone to pile through the door and make like lemmings for their hideout. (Which is really just that bedroom in the attic. Apparently Buckbeak makes for an excellent guard.) As they made it to the foot of the stairs, George being the last one to pass gently tapped on Lady Black's frame to let her know they were back and the distraction could end.

As the group reached the first floor landing, Padfoot changed back into Sirius and he peeled off from the group with a jaunty salute and whistle on the way to his study. He had to finish investigating the goodies they had bought at the toy and pet stores. Hitting the second landing, the foursome had to quickly duck into a couple of linen closets so neither Ginny nor Ron would see the shopping bags the group was weighed down with. As the cloying scent of perfume and thundering feet on stairs faded, four heads popped out of two closets.

"Always knew you two would end up in a broom closet together," Fred teased.

"Yeah, you two are just to close to not be that close if you get our meaning," George said as he sent an overly exaggerated leer at Harry and Hermione.

"We would make a comment about you two being overly comfortable in a broom closet, but that would require us to use mental bleach. And sadly we ran out after Ginny and Ron attempted to flirt with us respectively." Hermione retorted.

"George, I don't know if we should be insulted on behalf of our siblings or disgusted by our fellow pranksters' minds." Fred said.

"I vote you should be both, but mainly disgusted on our behalf." Harry said, providing his own insight.

Tossing Buckbeak a squirrel Padfoot caught on the way back, the four Marauders-in-training opened the door to their hideout and placed (dropped) their bags on the bed within. A quick insertion of batteries as needed in the…research items and an explanation of everything saw teams made and a battle lines drawn.

Each dueler was armed with four weapons. A Nerf gun and a rubber band gun were deigned for long distance with a Lightsaber to be used after all the ammo was gone. And if or when the lightsaber was lost, a rubber chicken was to be used as either a dagger or means of surrender. The bed was picked as the "Dead Man's Club" for when someone was eliminated.

"Okay everyone, a few rules," Hermione said. "One, No head shots and that includes with rubber chickens. Two, no picking up ammo off the floor. Three, everything stays in this room. And four," Hermione slowly took aim, "it is every man for himself." She fired her gun hitting Harry square in the gut and setting the battle off as everyone dove for cover.

Twenty minutes later utterly spent from laughter and nursing their "battle wounds" with butter-beer, the Twins and the Ninjas were sitting on the bed. Fred and George were sitting with their backs against the headboard and were stealing the other's drink from his hand. Across the bed from them and lounging across the foot found Hermione using Harry as a pillow. Settled down, the conversation turned to the fake wands the Twins were developing.

"While I think a lightsaber would work, the rubber chicken would be more disconcerting and an easier change," Harry said into the pleasantly exhausted silence.

"Hmmmm that would work. We wouldn't have to figure out the size conversion. Plus, wizards would recognize the rubber chicken while being stumped by the 'saber" Fred and George said, thinking aloud to each other.

Rolling her head so she could see the Twins, Hermione's eyes lit up with a plot and a smirk appeared on her lips. "Gred, Forge, I will buy the first dozen chicken wands you make if you can make all of them look like Riddle's wand." She said.

All three boys looked askance at Hermione wondering what new plot was hatching in her scarily psychotic and brilliant mind.

"Why would you want them to look like that?" George asked.

As George finished his question, Harry started to truly laugh. "Hermione, you are a true evil mastermind. You even have the cat for it. I think we could get Dobby and Winky to even deliver the wands. That way no owls would be hurt in the playing of your prank." Harry said.

Blushing at the adoration and praise being bestowed up her, Hermione shrugged and tried to explain her idea. "I just figured it would serve him right if every time Wartyshorts went to use his wand he had to wonder if his spell would be exiting his wand or if it would be a rubber chicken." Hermione said, her face bright red as she tried to hide from the appraising looks the boys were giving her.

Glaring at the kissy faces the Twins were shooting at them, Harry stroked Hermione's hair as he whispered for her to kick the twins and telling her exactly how brilliant he thought she is.

"We can do it. We'll even give you a cohort discount and have them ready in a week. Just please don't kick us again. Your toes are sharp." George said.

A week later and the first of many batches of the chicken wands was sent to Riddle's hideout. When a scream was heard echoing from some distant place and a smirk appeared on Harry's face, the adults became a bit wary. It was not until later when a barking laugh and a howl of mirth filled Grimmauld Place that the adults became afraid. Anything that got those kinds of reactions out of Sirius and Remus was not good. The children though did not seem to worry nor care all that much. The Twins and the Sandwich Ninjas only cared about the rematch of their battle the next day. And if a sack of galleons and a note signed with a paw print and full moon drawn as the signature appeared in the twins' room, who were they to deny their "anonymous" benefactor(s) the joy of an excellent prank pulled off masterfully.

When the rematch of their 'saber/nerf/rubber chicken was planned, Sirius and Remus were invited to join. On the day of the (re) battle, the battleground had been expanded to the whole house. Hostages were going to be allowed with points awarded for who the hostage was and if you stole said hostage away from someone else. Double points were being offered if the hostage(s) was Ron, Snape, or Dumbledore. Triple for either of the female Weasley. As the clock in the hall struck noon the battle began. Outside the sounds of a waging war, the only noise echoing through out Grimmauld Place was a yell of "SPORK!"

_AN: Don't own and don't really care to. Would much rather be the "cool Aunt" that spoils the characters and returns them to their mom packed full of sugar._


	3. Battle of the Rubber Chicken

_AN: As requested by a few people, here is the continuation of the pranksters duel seen in my __Death by Pranks__ story. This is going to be a two shot with the first part being the part being the chapter posted under my other story. To cover my rear, I do not own the characters or the devices used for pranking. Those belong to other much richer people._

In the duels taking place by the resident pranksters, it soon became apparent that Harry and Hermione were forces to be reckoned with. Even with no planning, the two would work in tangent to take an opponent out. And in a skirmish, when using muggle weapons, it would often take at least two opponents to have a chance take out either Harry or Hermione. So the Twins ended up joining forces with the Marauders and the battle went from a free-for-all to a four against two.

"Spork," yelled the Sandwich Ninjas as Harry laid down cover fire for Hermione to get a better angle on the Marauders. Before this latest battle began, all of the ammo had been charmed to return to the weapon that fired it. That way they had never-ending ammunition. Because of that, they decided to make the game a little more interesting by turning it into a version of capture the flag. Only the flag(s) for this game was the hostages taken.

Poised on the stairs leading to the second floor landing, Hermione was using the spindles of the railing as cover while she attempted to take out Fred. Harry was shooting from a few stairs below and was attempting for Sirius. With the Ninjas distracted the other halves of the Twins (George) and Marauders (Remus) pulled out their not so secret weapons. Taking aim and quickly calculating trajectory, they fired on first Harry then Hermione.

Hearing a new noise amongst the nerf arrows and rubber band bullets flying, Harry quickly scanned the air for what else could be heading their way. Spotting the green missile, Harry dove for farther down the stairs as he yelled to Hermione, "Incoming!"

Unable to avoid it completely, Hermione was hit. Once it registered with everyone that the missile had actually hit her, an eerie silence fell upon the warriors. An incredulous Hermione broke the quiet as she looked over the "damage."

"A water balloon? Really? And filled with red Kool-Aid? You know this means war. Prepare to die Marauders. You are going down Hell's Jesters." Hermione said as she raised her weapon and rapidly fired on the other four.

Realizing that a pissed Hermione would be a dangerous idea if she got within light-saber distance, Hell's Jesters and the Marauders fell back onto a tactical retreat with Harry dogging their steps with little poppers. As they reached the ground floor, Tonks and Hestia Jones crossed paths with the four-some. Needing hostages, since human shields were pointless, and getting their permission, the two Order members were gently tied and squirreled away to a parlor.

With the hostages safely captured, the Fearsome Foursome decided to go on the offensive and charged the Ninjas. As Hermione fled up the stairs to the first floor, Harry let loose machine gun fire from his rubber band gun. Fleeing through common rooms and down hallways, Harry and Hermione were able to evade their pursuers and take two hostages of their own.

After literally running into Professor Minerva McGonagall, having promised her tea, biscuits and the library, Minerva calmly accompanied her favorite lion cubs and settled into the library on the ground floor.

The second hostage was not so easily taken. Having left Professor McGonagall in the library with all she could drink tea (heavily laced with Scotch), the Ninjas decided to sneak up the back stairs and try to come up on their opponents' flanks. Once reaching the hallway to the stairs, Kingsley Shacklebolt stepped out of the kitchen and straight into their path.

Having been an Auror for fifteen plus years, Kingsley was a naturally suspicious person. So seeing two people sneaking around and apparently armed with weapons other than a wand, his "mischief" radar started to go haywire. Drawing his wand, Kingsley prepared to go on the offensive.

"Ah, Fubar," Hermione muttered as she nudged Harry.

"Shite. Left high, right low," Harry whispered, quickly ducking to the right.

As the pair split to either side of the hall, they drew their wands and the pranks Hell's Jesters had made for them. Only shielding with the wands, the Sandwich Ninjas used the pranks for their offense.

Sadly, even though Kingsley was a decorated Auror, he was taken out quickly. Apparently Auror training did not prepare him to go against two pranksters. Firing stunners and leg-lockers, Kingsley expected to quickly win and find out what Harry and Hermione were up to. Unfortunately, it was the Bavarian Darkness bomb and licorice lasso that was his downfall. With Kingsley tied up Hermione dusted him with some "pixie dust" (powdered mobilicorpus) and towed him to the library. There, Minerva greeted them with a rosy nose and hearty guffaw at the Auror's predicament.

Leaving the Auror to the Scots tender mercies and unrelenting ribbing, the Ninjas left to try to capture their opponents and end the battle. Finding some rubber bands on the hallstand, another predicament occurred as they were heading up the stairs. Across the landing stood their four opponents and to the Ninjas right stood two of the most sought out hostages, Dumbledore and Snape, with the other two, Ron and Molly Weasley, across from them.A glance at each other and the Ninjas, Jesters, and Marauders teamed up to take out the four others.

Knowing neither spells nor punches would be held if Sirius dueled either Snape or Dumbledore, he decided to duel Molly. Besides, she had undermined him in his own home enough times this summer. Remus decided to take on Snape if only to prove his "affliction" was not a hindrance but an asset in a duel.

As much as they might want to duel Ron, Harry and Hermione left him to the twins "tender" mercies while they dueled Dumbledore. And knocking the twinkle out of the old man's eyes was just going to be a nice side effect.

Pranking stances taken and opponents picked, weapons were drawn as the group prepared for battle.

"To the last Rubber Chicken?" Remus asked.

"To the last Rubber Chicken." The others agreed

"Spork!" yelled the Ninjas as they charged Dumbledore.

The next to enter the fray, Sirius drew his wand and dove into battle with a hollered "Fruitcake!"

Realizing what Harry and Hermione started and Sirius accepted with his battle cry, Remus tried to think of a random word to be his. Settling on the word, he advanced towards Snape as a wolfish grin spread across his face.

"Bocce," was the only warning Snape had before Remus began their battle.

A face splitting grin grew across the faces of Fred and George as they eyed Ron trying to think of their own battle cry. Not able to think of anything they could agree on, George entered with fray with Fred following not a second later.

"Ooga booga boo," George yelled while Fred cried "Turducken!"

Pulling their rubber chickens, Fred and George started to "duel" with Ron. The duel was only made more difficult when Ron crouched down in an attempt to protect himself.

"Head, shoulders, knees and arse! Head, shoulders, knees and arse!" the Twins said as they put actions to words with swipes of the chickens.

As the twins were "dueling" with Ron, Remus' own duel against Snape was beginning to get truly heated. Conjured "weapons" and illusion moons had already been attempted along with leg-lockers and jelly-lags being sent back and forth. Remus, tired of playing around and having heard the curse often enough this summer, aimed and fired the Bat-Boogey hex at Snape. Being an older and more experienced magic user (and prankster), the "bats" appeared a little less boogey-ish and quite a bit battier.

Due to over confidence, Dumbledore ended up sabotaging himself against the Ninjas. Tucking and rolling, bobbing and weaving, and really just not being in the same place for very long allowed Harry and Hermione to provide cover for each other while they kept a barrage of rubber bands and foam arrows on Dumbledore while spreading lemon drops along the ground. That way, when Dumbledore did move, he would end up tripping himself.

With Ron having been beaten into submission, Hell's Jesters turned to watch the most interesting duel they had ever seen. Remus soon joined in being a spectator after he had batted Snape around a bit and ended up hog-tying the man. Due to the entertainment level of the duel they were watching, Remus conjured some popcorn to be shared while everyone cheered the duel on.

Almost as if it was planned, Sirius duel with Molly Weasley turned from playful to slightly vengeful as Harry and Hermione finished their own duel against Dumbledore. The crowning moment of the Ninjas' duel was when they had charmed some origami cranes to circle Dumbledore while chirping, "I've fallen and I can't get up," along with "We see London, we see France, We see Albus' underpants."

While Sirius liked Molly Weasley and thought she could really be a nice woman, he just could not respect her. He knows Molly had lost the majority of her family to the first Blood War with Voldemort; but so had quite a few people, Sirius included. He lost his bothers (both in blood and in heart) as well as his (adoptive) sister, so he truly understood the want and need to have your family kept safe. But Molly took that too far with her coddling and sheltering of her children, Harry and Hermione included. Plus, in Sirius opinion, Molly just seemed to talk out of her arse.

"Sirius Orion Black, stop this right now! You need to stop being so childish and start acting like the adult Harry needs you to be," Molly scolded.

"Hey, don't bring me into this. He acts and is enough of an adult for me." Harry declared.

"What he said. Besides, Harry doesn't need me to be a parent. He needs me as who I am, His Godfather!" Sirius said as he vanished Molly's mouth. He really was getting tired of her "holier than thou" attitude when it came to the children.

"Ah, now that's better. No more verbal diarrhea or talking out of your arse for you." Sirius said as he charmed Molly's voice to emit from her rear.

"Sirius," Molly yelled, "undo this charm immediately!"

Once Molly realized where her voice came from, she couldn't help but reach around to her rear and cover it with both her hands. That movement was Sirius cue to take the largest rubber bands (engorged of course) he had and use them as hand and ankle cuffs.

With the opponents defeated and restrained, Remus glanced at his fellow duelers. Almost as one, six guns were pulled and fired.

Laughing, Hermione said, "To the hostages. Then the victors buy a round for everyone."

As the Hell's Jesters lead the way to the room they were keeping the hostages, Harry realized that by chance the captives were being held in the exact same room. It was only by chance the captors never saw each other.

Arriving at the door, a truly surprising sight greeted the battle weary warriors. Apparently while the captors were busy, Minerva decided to get her fellow captives drunk. And taking further advantage of the other captives, Minerva was fleecing the other four in games of poker.

Freezing at the sight, the four Nerf War survivors couldn't help laughing at the sight. As Minerva's grin went from feral while counting her winnings to sheepish at being caught, it was decided that a rematch was to be as soon as the winter holidays.

Well that and the fact Minerva was going to have to share her winnings. She wouldn't have had the chance to win so much money if she hadn't been taken hostage.

_AN: Well, there you have it. Not the best of stories and I probably won't continue it. But hope those who read it enjoy it. And since I'm posting this a week or so before Christmas and New Years, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone that celebrates. Merry Yule if that is your holiday of choice. And a belated Happy Chanukah._


End file.
